If you’ve ever walked or hiked in the woods (or anywhere bears roam), you’ve probably been warned to leave those cute cuddly bear cubs alone and get the hell out of there ASAP if you come across one. Why? Because where there’s a bear cub, there’s a mama bear nearby, and she will not take kindly to anyone mess’n with her cubs. Mama bears are fierce protectors. They are warriors. They don’t give a fuuuuuuuuu** and they ain’t gonna apologize. A mama bear does what is necessary for the well-being of her cub.
So when we hear the term “Mama Bear,” we think of that protective motherly instinct (though you certainly don’t have to have children to be a “Mama Bear”—we can “Mama Bear” our friends, our family, our clients, and our fur babies). But what does the term actually mean?
To me, the term “Mama Bear” suggests, yes, that protective instinct, but not just in the physical sense. I think it’s about wanting the best for someone else, and doing what’s in their best interest without apology. It’s about love, respect, and an acknowledgment of their value. We protect what we cherish, and we often do so fiercely.
I also think all of us have that instinct within us. I mean, even the kindest, sweetest, nicest woman you know has it in her to fiercely protect those she holds dear. What about you? Can you imagine a circumstance that would trigger that mama bear instinct?
So if we have it within us to protect those we care about (physically and emotionally, without apology or guilt), why is it that so many of us women struggle to do this for ourselves? Why are we so quick to protect the emotional well-being of others but we won’t apply those same standards to ourselves?
For example, things like setting healthy boundaries; speaking up for ourselves; saying no to things we don’t want to do; sharing our opinion, our thoughts and our feelings confidently; taking care of ourselves without guilt…all things we would want for our loved ones…are things we aren’t doing for ourselves. These are all things that seem so challenging! (If you happen to be a woman who has no problem doing these things…that’s awesome! Good for you! Keep it up! This blog’s not for you, lol.)
Many of us are empaths or emotionally sensitive; we’re caretakers and people-pleasers and we just don’t want to rock the boat. We’ve been socialized to be nice (to a fault), and we confuse being assertive (or even confident) with being mean or rude. We’ve internalized that subtle (sometimes not so subtle) message that we shouldn’t be “too much” or “make a fuss” or be “too loud.” We are conflict avoidant because we don’t want to upset anyone or come off as a bitch. And all too often, a woman who is assertive or speaks up is, in fact, still cast in a negative light or labeled that big bad B word.
We’d rather sit down, shut up, stifle our feelings and ignore our needs than be seen in this derogatory way.
Can you relate? Is this you? Yeah, me too.
But what actually happens when we do that (sit down, shut up, stifle our feelings and ignore our needs)?
Well, a lot of things happen when we do that and NONE of them are good (at least not for us). We suffer. And we get stuck.
So, what’s the answer? How do we turn things around and get ourselves unstuck???? How do we show up for ourselves with the same care and compassion we have towards others? How do we MAMA BEAR ourselves?
Being there for yourself in the same way you’re there for others may seem unnatural or feel uncomfortable because it’s new, but when in doubt, go back to your mama bear instincts. Imagine what you would do if a friend or a loved one wasn’t being treated well? What would you tell a friend or a loved one if they said to you, “Ugh, I really don’t want to go out with this person but I don’t want to be mean?” What would you say to a friend or a loved who was clearly exhausted but wouldn’t take a break because they didn’t want to let someone down? You’d most likely step up and “mama bear” them. You’d encourage them to set boundaries, you’d remind them their feelings matter, you’d urge them to get the rest they need. You’d, in a sense, protect them. We protect what we cherish.
It’s time to cherish yourself. Acknowledge your needs and wants. Honor your emotions. Take breaks when you need them. Set boundaries that work for you. Take care of yourself the same way you care for others. Show yourself compassion. Give yourself permission. Acknowledge your worth, and remember you are worthy just because. Period. End of sentence. You don’t have to earn it or prove it or hustle for it. Your emotional well-being is worthy of protection, so protect it.
Protect it as fiercely as a mama bear protects her cubs. Girl…it’s time to MAMA BEAR YOURSELF!