And it’s more than soapy suds.
What do you think of when someone uses the words “self-care?” What images come to mind? What emotions does it evoke? For many, self-care seems to be about pampering oneself, hence the idea of bubble baths and mani/pedis. And, hey, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pampering ourselves! I mean, bubble baths are awesome, and treating yourself to a mani/pedi can be a really fun thing to do when you’re out with a girlfriend, want to bond with your daughter, or just enjoy all on your own!
But here’s the thing. So many women struggle with the idea of self-care, especially people-pleasers and caretakers. And when we think of self-care as a means of pampering ourselves, it can turn into something that feels selfish or self-indulgent…Cue the guilt!
For people-pleasers and caretakers, the idea of taking time for yourself runs contrary to that hard-wired message that your worth is tied to what you can do for others. When someone suggests that you “indulge in some much-needed self-care,” it just feels wrong. Am I right? After all, if you’re not meeting other people’s needs, you’re failing in some way. Take time out for a bubble bath? Nope. The kids need you. A mani/pedi? Only if it’s for someone else…your daughter, your friend, your role in someone’s wedding. Your needs come last, if at all.
To this, my friends, I call bullshit. And here’s why:
- You have the right to “treat” yourself or “pamper” yourself. You have the right to engage in an activity that just feels good and serves no other purpose than to make you happy. It doesn’t make you a selfish person to indulge in something you enjoy.
- Self-care is actually not about bubble baths, mani-pedis, or self-indulgence. Self-care is about acknowledging, respecting, and honoring your emotions. It’s about setting healthy boundaries. It’s about shifting your mindset to embrace self-compassion, and it’s about living in accordance with freely chosen values. Self-care is how you put you understanding of emotions, beliefs, and values into practice.
My challenge to you is to choose at least one thing this week that you do just for you and just for fun. Not something that meets some other expectation, some “should” on your list, or some other life goal, like going out for a walk. (Yes, that’s also an awesome thing to do but, to be honest, it feels too much like a “should.”) Maybe it is taking a bubble bath or getting your nails done, maybe it’s going to a wine-tasting event with a girlfriend, maybe it’s going to your favorite coffee shop with a just-for-fun book. Whatever it is, go for it!
My second challenge is to continue to redefine self-care, and fully embrace the idea that self-care matters. Self-care is how you take your power back. Self-care is an acknowledgement that you matter. Your feelings matter, your opinions matter, your values matter. Take some time this week to explore how this new definition of self-care can show up in your life. What can you do to acknowledge, respect, and honor your emotions? What boundaries do you need to set that might help you feel better? What negative beliefs (about yourself) are holding you back? And what things are most important to you? What are your values?
Good luck! I know you can do it. And I know, above all else, that you are worthy.